


Huaka'i (journey)

by sunnysideup



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-30
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-17 13:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1389607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnysideup/pseuds/sunnysideup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve has to go away on a mission - what is it for? who will return?    This fic does feature a character death – for the purpos3es of this first chapter only – I can't say who it is or reassure you or otherwise but be warned</p><p>In this fic, italics indicate past events, normal type indicate the present time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

For the fifth time, he turns the key in the ignition but once again just as the noise rises as the car starts, he stops. His eyes look heavenwards and both hands move to the wheel gripping them hard as though in fear of what may happen should his grip loosen. He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror as his eyes move downwards and rolls his eyes at the reflection smiling for a moment at the expression he'd been holding as it brings back a memory of someone else. 'Aneurysm face' The smile leaves him immediately but in its place comes a look of determination and at the sixth time of asking he turns the key, starts the car and mutters the words 'up and at 'em Danno, up and at 'em'.

_3 weeks before_

_'You are kidding right, this is some practical joke which by the way isn't at all funny and I'm going to attack you with the nearest pineapple I can find to demonstrate how unfunny I find this' He looks around him frantically for said fruit, two realizations hitting him at the same time. The first being he's unlikely to find a pineapple in a morgue and the second being that despite the smirk lurking on Steven McGarrett's face, his eyes tell another story and the man is being serious. 'Babe, why now? We're in the middle of this case, can't you tell them no, can't you think of us for a change?'_

_At those last few words, he detects a flinch, albeit tiny and regrets the words instantly but despite that he says no more, instead gripping onto the chair he's stood behind in the little office belonging to Max._

_'Dan-' Steve has to stop for a moment as his voice fails on him, he doesn't even know what he's going to say, what words are there anyway. It is what it is. They call he jumps. He knows it, everyone knows it. He's nothing if not predictable though this time it's so different from routine. So instead of finding some excuse for what he's about to do, he just opts for simplicity 'Danno, you know how it is, and I'm sorry and I'm sorry for the fact we're in the middle of this but I gotta go, they need me' In his head the words 'she needs me' come forth but he stops himself before he can say that. Operationally sensitive. Such bullshit those words and he wishes so badly he could say why as he knows then Danny would understand but he can't._

_'Fine' That's all he says in response as he turns his back to leave. And Steve flinches again, this time without hiding it and unbidden, moisture suddenly appears in his eyes but as he reaches up to wipe them quickly, the back turns and his face is angry but the eyes tell a different tale 'You really don't have any clue how angry I am at you right now Steven, but believe me it will pale if you come back dead or with one leg, okay?' And with that he turns again stabbing at his cell before lifting it up shouting for Max at the same time and disappearing from sight._

_'You take care too Danno' Steve says out loud to the otherwise now empty room._

**Hickam Field (previously Hickam Air Force Base)**

He's early and he knows Steve would be proud. As he parks the car, he tugs at the tie and looks in the mirror. The pit of fear and worry is back in his stomach where it has been since McGarrett headed off on the mystery mission a few weeks back. The only contact since a text 2 days ago from a number he didn't recognise but telling him, Chin and Kono to be here today at a specific time and to be smart. At the time he believed it to be from Steve but he's not sure whether that's hope more than reality and so the worry that had always been there since he left had in the last 2 days reached new heights especially knowing this place and it's use in the past. It could all be innocent of course and Steve lost his own cell or couldn't take it with him in the first place so borrowed someone else's but is anything ever innocent and straightforward where Steven McGarrett is concerned? He doesn't need to answer that.

He hears the sound of another car engine behind him and looks in the wing mirror by the driver door and smiles as he recognises it as Kono and Chin having arrived. He runs his right hand through his hair and takes a deep breath, shakes his head at himself and says once again 'Up and at 'em Danno, up and at 'em' as he opens the door to greet his friends.

_Chiang Mai – Thailand_

_He thanks the old lady and offers a note in gratitude and she grins at him displaying two teeth in a mouth otherwise devoid of any others. He stows the band aids into his pack for later, just in case._

_Another guest house, another town and still no sign. He knows he's getting closer. The fresh knife wound on his arm and his cheek bare witness to that but it's frustrating to say the least and slow particularly since Lt Ruiz had been called back from helping him and the search had been scaled down to its minimum. There were too many questions to even try and attempt to learn the answers to. He didn't even know the reason they'd been here in the first place. Just one frightened phone call and then a multitude of others from him to the people who could help had led him to this place and yet now he was back to square one, actually maybe square two but certainly not beyond that._

_He takes a sip of water, thinking of what to do next, he knows in reality what he has to do and that's go back to the place he'd been the day before but that's pretty hard to remember now where it was given he likely has a concussion from the fight and the last thing he can recall before he woke up in the van just before he'd been dumped outside the guest house in the early hours, was the face of a man he vaguely recognized from some pictures before he'd headed to Thailand. But he's nothing if not determined and nothing if not trained in being beaten into next week and recalling important details despite all that so he moves away from the main town in a direction he knows is the right one and hopes despite feeling like he sticks out like a sore thumb, he can melt away amongst the Tuk tuks and the motorbike taxis and backpackers in their thousands._

**PRESENT**

'Hey brah' Chin shouts to Danny as he moves round to help Kono from her side of the car. Its strange and jarring to see Chin in a suit and if it's possible, the knot in his stomach tightens even more. But he plasters on a smile as Kono leans onto Chin's shoulder as she puts the crutches down in front of her and moves onto the ground. She offers a strained smile to Danny who returns it, the strain all too clear in his face too.

'You ok Kono?' Danny moves next to Chin and she nods vigorously.

'I'm fine brah, stop fussing, had enough of it already for a week from my family and most of all, this old lug' She gestures one crutch in the direction of her cousin who smiles and it's a release of tension albeit brief.

'Is the paperwork done now Danny?' asks Chin.

'Yeah all done, all sorted and I really don't think Jimmy Suarez will be seeing the outside of a prison cell or yard again in his lifetime' He glances at Kono taking in her nod of approval and the relief in her and Chin's faces. Steve would be pleased he know. The case they'd been working on when Steve had been called away had been ugly and ongoing for way too long with the cost of 4 lives which had almost added another, Kono.

Not your average serial killer, Jimmy Suarez but one nevertheless and the memory of him kicking Kono off the side of the wall and seemingly to an unbroken fall of 100 feet would live with them all forever but she was the lucky one thanks to a dumpster which though it gave her a broken ankle and a sore head had been so much better than the expected broken body they'd expected to find just after Chin had taken Suarez down with two shots to each leg.

So they were all here and waiting for the missing member of their Ohana without even knowing if it was him they'd see him again anyway. He feels a pressure on his shoulder as Chin squeezes it and a hand slips into his as Kono hands one crutch to her cousin and offers reassurance to Danny.

'Let's go?' questions Kono and he nods.

_Chiang Mai_

_There was never any doubt he'd find his way back and the sight of the 7 eleven and the small boy stood over the stove making the most delicious smelling Pad Thai is all the confirmation he needs._

_He no longer has his gun, taken off him last night presumably by those who had attacked him and confirmation of the belief he held that he was near. He has a penknife and that's it, except for what he hopes is the element of surprise in that they wouldn't expect him to go back pretty much unarmed. Well, they didn't know him did they?_

_The child spots him and there's a flash of recognition in his eyes and he smiles and gestures towards a dish offering him some food for just 30 baht and the grumble in his stomach betrays him for a moment but he can't stop, he has to keep going so he offers an apologetic smile and shakes his head looking at the alley toward him, taking a deep breath and not for the first time on this journey wishing he had Danny behind him, nagging him for all he was worth. 'Up and at 'em Steven, up and at 'em'_

_He moves forward into the alley and the sound of western pop music is there again. Katy Perry he thinks. A knowledge being the legacy of spending so much time in the company of one Grace Williams. The thought of her carries him forward and spurs him on in the hope that the sooner this is finishes, the sooner he can hear her voice singing along to this song again._

_There's a 3 storey building, with windows but no curtains, just black out blinds and he recalls that he'd got as far as the first storey yesterday but for some reason it had been busier than it was now, perhaps with it being night then and early morning now. The element of surprise now then without the bonus of dark offering some protection. No matter, he moves forward and up the first flight of stairs clutching onto the penknife with one hand and clenching the other into a fist._

_At the memories now coming back from last night, his cheek begins to sting and the arm starts again to throb but he ignores them as he looks along the corridor on the first floor. For the first time since he moved into the alley, he can hear voices other than that of Katy Perry's singing. Mainly in Thai and all male but there's a quieter voice speaking in what seems to be English so he steps carefully along the corridor until he stops just before the second window and the voices are louder and clearer but the voice speaking in English has stopped so he turns and heads back to the stairs and onto the second floor where he'd been stopped the night before and that's when he hears it and he remembers that he heard it last night too just before the lights had gone out._

_Not speaking, not singing but the sound of a board being thumped against a wall repeatedly and he's fearful suddenly as there's another sound of a man grunting which is bad enough but the addition of the final sound almost distracts him to the noise behind him but he's more prepared for that the upset of that sound now so without turning he flicks the hand without the knife in a general direction and the satisfying feeling of the hand hitting skin and the grunt of pain leads him to turn round and face his would be attacker and it's the big man from the night before and he can't help the surprise he feels as he hesitates for a moment which allows his assailant to get a punch in but he's too big and too slow so Steve dodges it effortlessly and for a moment knowing what he knows about him, he considers taking the knife and ending him there and then but then he thinks one more time and stops._

_He reaches for the man's t-shirt and pulls him up in front of him 'You know why I'm here, that's why you attacked me last night, you messed with the wrong guy, take me there now' The man looks ready to protest that he doesn't know but the movement of the silver of the knife to his throat causes a sound of a sob and it's all Steve can do not to cause him some damage, any damage but there's time for that later so as the man nods, Steve releases his grip slightly and pushes him forward towards the thumping and the grunting and that other noise._

_It happens then in what seems like slow motion but can only be a matter of seconds as the man shouts suddenly in Thai and Steve hits him hard and without understanding what he said he knows it's bad and without stopping to look at the man to see if he's unconscious, he starts to run and opens the door just as there's a shot and a scream and the world stops. Then. There. Gone._

**Present**

Its only Chin, Kono and Danny for the first twenty minutes they're there and it's starting to rain and its windy and it sums up their mood and increasing nerves. Then the door from the building opens behind them and a couple emerge holding onto one another and for a moment, Danny recognizes them but that's crazy as he's never met them before but he exchanges a slight smile with the man while the woman starts to sob gently.

There's a roar of a plane engine and then a group of men and women emerge from the building wearing naval uniforms he recognizes and forming a line and it's all so formal and it scares Danny more than he could ever admit.

The plane takes another twenty minutes to touch down and the back of it opens slowly and then a group of men march toward it and in he can suddenly see the flag of his country at half mast and just as he thinks only he noticed that, he feels hands on either side of him grip his own hard and there's a sharp intake of breath he recognizes as Kono's as emerging from the plane is a coffin and his legs begin to wobble. It's happened at last his luck ran out, all their luck ran out and just as he's about to cry and run away to New Jersey and leave this place behind, he spots a figure with its hand on the coffin and its confusion that's suddenly his greatest emotion as that figure moves slowly and stiffly, head bowed in full dress uniform and that's when as the sound of the mournful instrument begins, he looks to the couple standing close to them and back to his friend and it suddenly makes terrible sense.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The concluding part of this fic - lots of angst.

**Hickam Field**

He's not even sure how he's managing to stay upright then he remembers as he continues to grip on the coffin. He hears the soft familiar voice and for a brief moment, he's joyful and turns quickly behind him but at the sight of the young male soldier behind him, he's aware that it's impossible and it's mind playing tricks on him again.

He firms his grip all the more on the coffin and at the sight of people as they move onto the tarmac, he reminds himself he's trained for this type of thing so he consciously moves to a ramrod straight position, eyes forward focused on his task to bring her home and he knows he's so close but then he spots them in the distance, he's met her once briefly years ago at a party they went to and he suddenly remembers he doesn't even know her first name, nor his and it's all he can done to run, well not run, not in his current state but move as fast as he can in any other direction than this.

His eyes shift slightly and just like that he finds his calm again, he's over 100 metres away from them but he feels them as close as if they're standing next to him holding onto him tight and that's all he needs to move forward to bring her home. The music stops suddenly and the men and women march purposefully forward and meet the coffin and he know it's all part of the process and he should move away but he can't until the woman stood in front of him coughs quietly and whispers 'Sir, you have to move'. And he's out of his daze and like the good dutiful officer he is, he apologises and from somewhere down below produces a smile and saluting at the coffin for the last time today at least, he moves aside releasing his grip and as he looks away at anywhere other than the sight of the coffin being taken from his side for the first time since the very worst of this whole nightmare began, the rains starts to fall steadily at first and then heavier, at least he thinks it's not just me who's crying, the sky is too for you.

_Chiang Mai_

_The first thing he's aware of as he wakes is the heat, the second is the smell of disinfectant combined with the heat and the last thing is a pain he can't even identify right now until the moment he shuts his eyes again and it's there, the scream, the pain, the shouting, the holding onto her for dear life, his and most of all hers and then just as the lights went out for him, the awareness as the men worked around him that he'd failed._

_There's a quiet conversation he's suddenly aware of that brings him back to now and so he tries to raise his head and as he does so, there's a small exclamation of 'Oh no McGarrett, oh no you don't' and he's pushed gently downwards so his head rests on the pillow again._

_He recognizes the face instantly and he's thankful it's someone he knows._

_'Ruiz?' and the man smiles. 'Well, at least that's one less thing for us to worry about' at Steve's confused expression 'No concussion, you've been out for 8 hours, we were getting rather concerned'_

_Steve nods in understanding. 'So, what is the damage?' He doesn't really care, from the pain localized around his left leg and dull ache in his chest, he's pretty sure he's had a little crowbar or  baseball bat treatment to his ribs and a shot to the leg but anything to distract from asking the question that he knows full well the answer to._

_He guesses that Ruiz knows this, they may have only worked together for a week but and much to Steve's surprise and not altogether comfortably, he's the type of guy it's pretty easy to open up to and aside from not telling him about his mother, he'd told him pretty much all his life back in Hawaii, anything to help find her he'd reasoned at the time. 'You got shot in the leg, nothing too serious, a through and through and you got a nice little bruise on your noggin, not to much a couple of busted ribs, but you'll live'_

_Steve detects a wince as Ruiz says the last three words and any remaining hope that she's still alive is gone in those seconds it took him to say them. So he nods and before the tears can fully flow and without even asking for the confirmation he softly says 'Hey Ruiz, do me a favour, go sit with her, make sure she's not alone?' He feels a gentle pat on his hand and a softly spoken 'of course man' and he makes it till the door clicks shut and a solitary tear emerges slowly followed by so many more and he could care less right now._

**Hickam Field**

Danny taps his fingers impatiently on the table they're sat at watching the door in the corner like a hawk. Kono and Chin sit silently watching his fingers then looking at the door with him. Willing him to come through. The room has mainly cleared aside from a couple of guys near one of the doors.

And then he's there. Not alone though. The couple he'd seen earlier are with him, the woman is clutching a tissue in one hand and her husband's arm in another while openly sobbing as the man comforts her and Steve, well Steve walks with them and to an untrained eye, he looks okay but the 3 people at the table exchange quick concerned looks as the woman turns to face Steve, says something and without any further words, hurries away while the man speaks and his voice rises a little so they can hear the words 'please just respect our wishes, for her if not for us' and with that his back turns and he's gone leaving Steve stood alone in this room filled with people just staring at the floor.

They stand up together, a chair scraping the floor and at the noise Steve looks up and at the sight of his colleagues, he smiles as they approach him. 'Hey guys' the smile leaves his face and anxiety fills his features as he sees Kono on the crutches 'What, what's going on, are you okay Kono?'

'It's mainly for effect brah, honestly, I'm fine' she looks at him appraisingly thinking but not saying that she looks in way better shape than he does right now. Instead handing one crutch to Chin, she moves towards him and hugs him tight and for a moment he folds into her and she actually thinks he may break down but as quickly as she thinks that, he pulls away, clears his throat and plasters on another smile.

'You okay babe?' Danny asks 'Well done on coming back in one piece and avoiding death by pineapple' Even as he says it, it feels so forced and when he gets no response and instead Steve's eyes are fixed into the distance, it doesn't take an expert to see that Steve is just barely holding on so gently but with enough force to move him, Danny and Chin start to move him towards the table and he slumps into one of the chairs, head in hands and the days and weeks seem to catch up in that moment.

'Babe, those people they were Catherine's parents, right?' There's a slow nod from Steve. They exchange a glance and sit surrounding him enveloping him, shielding him as best they can Danny raises his arm slowly to reach and touch his shoulder but he's a super seal and with his nerves probably stretched to breaking point, its wise to take precautions so he gently speaks again.

'Hey Steve' and he looks up so Danny places a hand on his shoulder 'we're so sorry babe' They each of them search frantically for words but what can you say when you don't have any clue what happened and when the person before you appears that he may disintegrate before your eyes at the mention of any misplaced word?

He mutters a thanks and there's a small smile but it never reaches his eyes. 'I know I owe you guys an explanation, but you'll have to wait, I smell of hospital, air planes, mortuaries, tea and sympathy and I think if I have to talk to another soul in the next 24 hours I may kill that person'. He stands up and there's an audible gasp suddenly so Danny moves to help before Steve bats him away and his eyes flash dangerously. 'I'm okay' he pauses 'I will be okay, just give me space' he looks at each of them, his eyes suddenly to life as he pleads 'please?'.

And it's all they can do particularly Danny to not call him out for being an even more heroically annoyingly selfish bastard than usual and go run and find the nearest pineapple to batter some sense into him with but they don't and instead they watch as he slowly, painfully with his head bowed leaves the room and their sight, again.

_Chiang Mai He walks out of the room, glancing from left to right to make sure they can't see him. He's quite sure that they're not that bothered to have the grumpiest most uncommunicative patient they've had in along time leave their care, but he's pretty sure they'll be mad he's gone without signing the paperwork to say he was leaving AMA._

_As soon as he's sure he's out of sight, he rips the patient ID from his wrist and tucks in the ill fitting check shirt into the crazy flared trousers that for all the world make him look like some crazed hippy backpacker or worse Danno and heads toward to the map of the hospital. As he nears it, he figures he must still have the remnants of some minor concussion as he can't comprehend why he's reading some strange language rather than the English language until just as quickly he remembers where he is and really how could he forget anyway?_

_And that's when on the map, he spots it and so he heads down to the basement. He's there in minutes and it's the same as every other one in every other town in all the world, clean, white with silver everywhere to compliment it and so very cold, not in temperature necessarily but in it's atmosphere._

_Reaching into the pocket of the checked shirt, he's thankful to Ruiz once again that he'd left Steve's ID behind. More evidence perhaps that the guy knows him better than he knows himself and so as he looks through the window of the little office door of the hospital morgue assistant and taps lightly, he lifts it up simultaneously flashing his trademark Steve McGarrett winning smile._

_10 minutes later and he's nervously looking around the small office when the morgue assistant says quietly haltingly in English 'we are ready for you' and so he follows and all the thoughts in his head want him out of that room now as he faces the drawer that's been pulled out with the body covered only by a sheet but he admonishes himself and just nods once at the morgue worker who moves forward and removes the sheet._

_And as he opens his eyes and it's her of course, as he reaches forward to touch her and she's so cold and there are bruises around her eyes and a mark on her cheek and he strokes her hair, aware that the morgue assistant is talking anxiously on a phone in Thai behind him seemingly and unsurprisingly confused at the behavior of the Naval Officer in front of her but he's soon oblivious as he moves and takes in the rest of the top half of her body, taking in the small scar he'd teased her about so many times that she'd got from fighting with some eighth graders in school stroking the bump on her arm from the break when she fell off a motorbike in some college stunt and then stopping, his gaze fixed on the hole in her upper chest, tiny but having caused so much damage and then moving further up again to her face and neck, the jagged scar on her neck still raw despite having been in this place for 2 days and he has to fight the overwhelming urge to collapse onto her and not leave her side ever but what's the point in him being her for her now given he wasn't there for her when she needed him most so he drops her hand and just as he hears more voices behind him, he holds his hands up in submission, casts one glance behind him then leaves her behind once more. Alone._

**Present**

If you asked Chin Ho Kelly to use one word to describe Danny Williams, probably one of the very last words he'd ever use in the entire choice of words of his language would be 'patient'. Same would almost certainly go for his cousin and probably if he was being honest, for himself too. And yet here they were, 6 days after Steve's return and without any word from Steve, they'd so far resisted contacting him but apparently enough was enough and if the swearing come from Danny's office was anything to go by, this was soon going to change.

'Everything ok Danny?'

And apparently he isn't as he's thumping the keys on his cellphone just as he shouts 'Well thanks for nothing' and stands up swiftly banging a knee on the drawer producing a flow of expletives that would make a sailor blush. Well, any sailor except for McGarrett that is. Danny acknowledges Chin's question with a grunt and throws the newspaper at him. Chin holds it in front of him and the front page gives no clue but as he turns the pages over, he finds the source of his friend's ire and a multitude of emotions hit him at once. Anger. Grief. Concern. Take your pick all of them were vying for first place.

'You had no clue it was yesterday?' And Danny shakes his head, putting on his jacket and reaching for his keys. 'I'm going up to see the big lug to knock some sense into him and I figure it's a two man job' He's already out the door but stops as he realizes Chin isn't following. 'Do I have to do everything for myself in this godforsaken pineapple infested except when you need one hell-hole?' And well, no he doesn't.

**The McGarrett home**

He's an expert in being morose. He could teach classes in it. One thing he didn't know he was quite as good at was feeling sorry for himself but turns out he's quite brilliant at it especially since he woke up this morning and opened up the newspaper over breakfast which he proceeded to then throw up over as he got to page 6.

It turned out that Catherine had been laid to rest the day before and never mind the ins and outs of the whole conversation at Hickam Field, it was still a shock to see.

So yes, right now he could major in feeling sorry for himself but frankly doesn't he have the right to it? Just this once?

His musing is interrupted by a thud at the door and despite himself he giggles, he recognizes that sound anywhere. He's been there plenty of times when it's been used to wake up some errant con at some unearthly hour, but Danny Williams knocking on his door rather than barging right on in there , its absurd and in his increasingly drunken repose it's highly amusing.

He stands up awkwardly, holding out a hand to some invisible wall to magically hold him up and he stumbles as the wall fails to materialise, the pull in his ribs a sharp reminder that the physical wounds aren't even fully healed never mind the mental ones. There's another thud at the door and a shout 'We know you're in there you big lug, we hear you moving round NOT super seal stealthy style, open up will ya babe'

So he stands up again, steadier this time and forces himself to the door. It was inevitable this would happen some time, at least he has his friends Mr and Mrs Beer to dull the senses just a little, he opens it slightly and peeps round, giggling again as if it's the funniest thing ever but instead of the two men in front of him, and it's 2 of 'em? Danno's brought along the cavalry so it would seem, smiling and laughing with him, there's a look of intense concern for a moment which almost sobers him up completely then and there until Danny switches in an instant.

'Oh right, so let me get this straight, we come on over here breaking all speed rules and you're having a one man seal party and you didn't invite it, I'm disappointed in you Steven, truly I am'

And Steve narrows his eyes suspiciously but it's a damn sight better than the lecture he thought he'd get so he flips the bird and smirks happily reaching for 2 extra beers and handing one each to his two friends, missing the wink from Danny to Chin and the knowing smile and shake of the head from the older man. 'I've been busy' he says by way of explanation for his radio silence.

'Yeah, and apparently not busy shaving, washing up or showering by the smell of this place and you, babe'.

Steve shrugs. 'Even us Navy boys get to give themselves a break from that sort of thing every so often' And while it's not exactly easy conversation, it's companionable and non committal enough for Steve to endure, that is until his gaze fixes on the paper again and he catches too late that Chin and Danny have followed his gaze to the same place and are apparently putting 2 plus 2 together and quite rightly reaching 4.

So he tries to pre-empt it and distracts it by saying 'Could NOT figure out today's puzzles, swear they get harder each day' as he screws it up into a ball and throws it in the general direction of the trash can in the kitchen.

'Brah, we've read it too, we're worried about you' Chin stands up moving towards to the figure of his friend which is unmoving now, head slumped forward. 'We don't know anything about what happened, never mind to Catherine, to you, all we know is seemingly you didn't go to the service and now here you are alone and smelling like a liquor store and I get that, I do but you're going to kill yourself and kill us, Five 0 if you don't talk even just a little about this'.

There's silence for who knows how long, it could be thirty seconds for all Chin knows but it feels like an eternity then Steve clears his throat, rubs his face and turns to face him. 'I know you're worried and I know I you guys an explanation, Kono too for leaving you like I did and for the fact that you knew Catherine too and deserve to know what happened and I promise you then, I'll tell you but you have to let me do it in my time, my space and I can't promise when it'll be'

He looks first at Chin and then beyond him at Danny imploring them. Danny and Chin look at one another and there's a nod from each and Danny stands up. 'We're ready for you for when that time comes babe, and while I hope it's sooner rather than later for your sake as well as ours I have just one small but really quite major plea' His face is serious as he approaches Steve. 'For the love of god will you go get a shave and stop smelling like Smokey the tramp from New Jersey already otherwise I will promise you will die a death of a thousand pineapples'

And so Steve nods and smiles. 'I can do that Danno, up and at 'em right?' And Danny nods approvingly raising his beer bottle ' Attaboy babe, attaboy'

_Chiang Mai Airport_

_He lifts the bag wearily onto one shoulder as he leaves the truck slamming the door behind him as the other door slams shut on the other side._

_Jason Ruiz moves to Steve's side of the truck, regarding his new friend taking in the bags under his eyes and the redness evidencing a lack of sleep or tears perhaps, concluding its probably both. God knows he's found it hard enough himself and he hasn't lost someone so close to him._

_'Its all sorted and the Plane will be ready in 36 hours to take you from Bangkok to home, she'll be with you on this flight and I'm sorry buddy but she has to go down below in the hold'_

_Steve nods accepting this quietly. 'Thanks Jason for everything, I mean it, don't think we've had have ever found Catherine if I hadn't had you with me to help till we got here'_

_Ruiz shakes his head 'No, man I'm just sorry I got pulled when I did'. He checks his watch. 'Listen man, it's time for you to go, now do you need me to do anything else before I go'_

_Steve shakes his head before he stops. 'Actually yeah' and he pulls a note from his cargo pants with a number on it. 'Lost my cell along the way, do you think you could send this message to those 3 numbers?' 'Least I can do buddy' And they embrace. 'Safe travels McGarrett'_

_'Ma halo' he responds and watches as Ruiz gets into the truck and then waves as he drives away then takes one look behind him at this city, takes a breath and heads into the terminal leaving everything but the memories behind him._

**Present time – 6 weeks on.**

In the end, it's pretty predictable what causes McGarrett to crumble and tell all.

The death of a dark haired 30 something career woman murdered just after she'd won a promotion that would change her life shocked the Island as a whole but there'd be a drive in McGarrett like there'd not been before and now just after Kono had shot and killed the bastard who'd done it after he'd refused to give up had left them all feeling satisfied on the one hand that he wouldn't be doing this to anyone else but cheated that he wouldn't feel the full weight of the law or ever truly realize the effect his crime had had on his victim's family and friends.

So as McGarrett laid the sheet over the man's head and turned away quickly running to the car slumping over the steering wheel, they knew it was time and so 2 hours later on the Lanai with a pot of coffee in front of them and McGarrett staring into towards the sea his back turned from them, he spoke.

'Last time we talked, she was absurdly excited about the shore leave they were taking, they were heading to Thailand for 2 weeks, she and a couple of her buddies from the ship and some guys they'd met a few years previously who'd left the navy to set up a bar on some beach resort there, I'd told her to stay safe and she laughed and called me a mother hen and said she'd see me soon'.

He stands up still looking into the sea and clenching his hands round the coffee cup. 'I never actually spoke to her again, but a week or so later I had 2 missed calls on my cell from her and a message and at first I thought she'd drunk dialled as all I could hear was voices and loud music but then I listened again and all I could hear was someone shouting No, a scream and that was it so I called Secnav and they got in touch with the ship and they all thought I was being a mother hen until one of her friends was found unconscious and naked about 40 miles away from Chiang Mai'

He pauses taking a sip and turns to face them. 'They agreed thanks to a couple of people I know in pretty handy places for me to go out there on condition I kept it completely confidential and told no one except those who would be directly involved, you can't even imagine how badly I wanted to tell you, how scared I was but I couldn't so I headed out there and well, you really don't need to know all the gory details' And he looks at each of them and his voice rises a little 'Do you?' And they shake their heads.

They know enough, they've seen enough to ensure that it's safe to say what happened without the words or the confirmation needed. 'We don't need to know anything you don't want to tell us boss' Kono stands up next to her friend 'We're here though always for if you ever do though' and she reaches forward and squeezes his hand.

'You know the one thing I can't get out my head, something her parents said' He stops and squeezes Kono's hand so hard it almost hurts as the pain in his eyes reflect the pain inflicted on her. 'That Catherine had told them that she had one guardian angel in her life, one knight in shining armor who would rescue her whenever she needed him and if he didn't, he'd die trying, they asked me at Hickam why I didn't die trying and I couldn't answer it, I just couldn't.. and I told them I wouldn't come to the service and they begged me for her sake to come' He mutters softly 'Couldn't even do that for her'.

And he's crying now, softly at first and then slides to the floor, Kono still clutching him enveloping him in her arms and he's aware of hands gripping each shoulder and he knows one day he'll be okay.

**Washington State – 6 months later**

'It should be around here I think' he says looking around him and at the other occupant in the car who sighs heavily.

'Well, that's all very well Super Seal Steve the finest navigator in the land, but I can't see a graveyard can you?' and he gestures dramatically to the outside world where all they can see around them is one little shop and a row of houses.

'It'll be around here somewhere' Steve replies, eyes deep into the map he's looking at holding it higher on the off chance that will help and he almost leaps out his seat when he hears Danny's snort and shout.

'Babe, at what antique market did you buy the map?' At Steve's confused expression, Danny stifles a laugh. '1967 version map of this area Steven, really?'

Steve's face flushes and if it wasn't for such a serious reason they were here, Danny would never let this rest but as Steve suddenly looks crestfallen, he reaches across gripping his shoulder and reaches into his pocket with his other arm for his cell 'I got this covered babe, don't worry'

45 minutes later and they're in a beautiful field with trees everywhere and leaves on the ground as it's fall and it'd be idyllic were it not for the graves that are everywhere the eye can see. Thank goodness for cell phones and friendly locals.

Danny had made a mental note of this day for the future for when the dust had settled. Just in case.

They've been walking along each row of graves for 5 minutes with still no sign and Danny's just about to suggest they take a breather for a moment when Steve stops, looks up into the sky and then over to a large tree in the distance and he nods and smiles and starts to run and Danny hurries after him till his friend stops right under the large tree and there it is. And Danny can't help himself but a tear rises into his eyes and it just feels like a bit of resolution at last and if he feels like this, he can't imagine how his friend feels so he's just about to move forward to stand with him when a voice behind him calls softly 'Steve? Steven? Is that you?'

They turn together and it's the woman from the airport and she's smiling and turns behind her and shouts 'Martin, he's come, Cat's Steve, he's here' and she laughs as she approaches and smiles a hello at Danny who watches as she moves in front of Steve and reaches her hand up to his cheek just as Martin Rollins walks up beaming too and reaching his hand to shake Steve's.

'Mrs Rollins, sorry I mean Abbie, I'm sorry it took me so long' He turns away just as he hears Steve's words and he nods and puts his hands in his pockets walking slowly back to the car to wait for his friend reaching for his cell grinning despite the tears on his face. he dials a number 'Hey Chin, it's going to be okay, he's going to be okay'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that was okay. First fic in ages so was very nervous. Didn't go into too much detail about the nature of Catherine's death as didn't think this would've added to the story and the first chapter pretty much alluded to it. Also not sure if it's ever been said where Catherine was brought up so took a liberty there. Thanks for reading and for those who have reviewed thanks so much.

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 will fill in all the missing pieces including who this happened to in case you don't already know and lots of angst.


End file.
